Whether to marry and whom to marry are among the biggest decisions—arguably the most important—a woman or man makes. The statistics reveal that human beings aren’t really as skilled as they need to be in this arena, with the rate of divorce roughly between 40% and 50% for first marriage and at 60% for second tries. And despite the cascade of self-help guidance out there, we don’t seem to be getting any smarter about our choices.
So what gives? Is it the way we think about marriage that’s a problem? A look at the research reveals that some of our most common beliefs about how to approach marriage and make it work are wrong.
Read more from Psychology today
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
What To Say When You Need Some Alone Time
It's all very well to say that all of us, especially those of us who are introverts, are entitled to live as we choose. But sometimes the words we need to use to set boundaries without causing offense don't easily come off our tongues. So we stammer justifications and fumble with excuses—and often end up just acquiescing to whatever others want anyway, because we simply can't find the solid ground we need for expressing our need for space, time, or solitude. What is that solid ground?
You need what you need, and whether what you you need solitude, or to go home, or to just say no or set any other boundary you feel you need, no one should be able to convince you that you're not justified. Sure, a little white lie now and then can do the trick, but the upside of actually telling the truth about your introverted needs is that the more honest you are, the more people will understand and the more accustomed they will get to letting have the space you need. Following are some suggestions for what to say in various situations:
Read full article from Psychology Today
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
You need what you need, and whether what you you need solitude, or to go home, or to just say no or set any other boundary you feel you need, no one should be able to convince you that you're not justified. Sure, a little white lie now and then can do the trick, but the upside of actually telling the truth about your introverted needs is that the more honest you are, the more people will understand and the more accustomed they will get to letting have the space you need. Following are some suggestions for what to say in various situations:
Read full article from Psychology Today
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
Take One Minute a Day to Motivate Your Child
Most parents think that the way to motivate children is to combine strategies; tell them to do their homework, raise our voice while telling them to do their homework, saying something to make them feel guilty, setting consequences or pointing our finger at them with determination to let them know we are really serious.
We easily forget that our real goal is to have our children develop ambition that comes from the inside, rather than being moved by outside forces. One tool for developing ambition is to tell your child or teen one minute stories of your personal ambition or another person’s ambition that paid off. This strategy avoids power struggles and creates internal motivation through inspiration. The reason to keep it to one minute is because your child may not pay attention any longer than that and one minute is sufficient to get the message across!
An example of a one minute story of ambition I share with my clients is the time I was in high school and went to a friend’s house and noticed she had a schedule of study hours hanging on her bedroom door. She studied a lot—she even studied on Saturdays! I was inspired by her ambition, organization and use of effective strategies. I began using her strategies, studying on Saturdays, but more importantly felt the inner motor of ambition driving me toward my own goals. Ambition drives kids of all ages to succeed, focus and work at achieving their goals. One minute can make a big difference in kids’ lives!
What stories can you tell about moments that inspired you to become ambitious?
Dr. Lara Honos-Webb is the author of The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book, The Gift of Adult ADD, The ADHD Workbook for Teens and Listening to Depression. Learn more about her work at www.addisagift.com
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
We easily forget that our real goal is to have our children develop ambition that comes from the inside, rather than being moved by outside forces. One tool for developing ambition is to tell your child or teen one minute stories of your personal ambition or another person’s ambition that paid off. This strategy avoids power struggles and creates internal motivation through inspiration. The reason to keep it to one minute is because your child may not pay attention any longer than that and one minute is sufficient to get the message across!
An example of a one minute story of ambition I share with my clients is the time I was in high school and went to a friend’s house and noticed she had a schedule of study hours hanging on her bedroom door. She studied a lot—she even studied on Saturdays! I was inspired by her ambition, organization and use of effective strategies. I began using her strategies, studying on Saturdays, but more importantly felt the inner motor of ambition driving me toward my own goals. Ambition drives kids of all ages to succeed, focus and work at achieving their goals. One minute can make a big difference in kids’ lives!
What stories can you tell about moments that inspired you to become ambitious?
Dr. Lara Honos-Webb is the author of The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book, The Gift of Adult ADD, The ADHD Workbook for Teens and Listening to Depression. Learn more about her work at www.addisagift.com
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
A Simple Mind Trick that Reduces Emotional Pain
How to reduce the pain associated with distressing experiences. Recent studies have demonstrated how a simple mind trick can significantly reduce the emotional distress we feel when reflecting on painful experiences or memories from our past.
Ozlem Ayduk from the University of California and Ethan Kross from the University of Michigan conducted a fascinating series of studies which investigated the factors that distinguish adaptive from maladaptive self-reflection (read about the surprising dangers of brooding here). They discovered that the perspective via which we recall an experience determines how much pain its memory evokes.
Read full article from Psychology Today
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
Ozlem Ayduk from the University of California and Ethan Kross from the University of Michigan conducted a fascinating series of studies which investigated the factors that distinguish adaptive from maladaptive self-reflection (read about the surprising dangers of brooding here). They discovered that the perspective via which we recall an experience determines how much pain its memory evokes.
Read full article from Psychology Today
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
5 Strategies to Build Trust and Increase Confidence
The ability to build trust is essential to our wellbeing and to our success in life. We are aware of this, because when a breach in trust occurs, our world is shattered. Yet, in a world filled with uncertainties, building trust can be a huge challenge. How can we build trust? I share 5 effective strategies I use to build trust in countries affected by armed conflict.
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
5 Nonverbal Secrets About Eye Contact
Published on April 3, 2014 by Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D. in Cutting-Edge Leadership
There has been considerable research on how nonverbal cues, particularly cues coming from the eyes affects our behavior. Here are 5 interesting results.
1. Eye-to-Eye Contact Causes Arousal. Staring directly into someone’s (or some social animal’s) eyes causes an arousal reaction. How that arousal is interpreted, however, depends on the parties involved and the circumstances. Staring from a stranger who appears large or ominous can be seen as a threat and elicit a fear response. This is common in social animals. A direct stare from a human to a dog or an ape can be interpreted as a threat from the large (and strange) human. However, eye gaze from a potential sexual partner causes arousal that can be interpreted positively – as a sexual invitation.
Read more Psychology Today
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
There has been considerable research on how nonverbal cues, particularly cues coming from the eyes affects our behavior. Here are 5 interesting results.
1. Eye-to-Eye Contact Causes Arousal. Staring directly into someone’s (or some social animal’s) eyes causes an arousal reaction. How that arousal is interpreted, however, depends on the parties involved and the circumstances. Staring from a stranger who appears large or ominous can be seen as a threat and elicit a fear response. This is common in social animals. A direct stare from a human to a dog or an ape can be interpreted as a threat from the large (and strange) human. However, eye gaze from a potential sexual partner causes arousal that can be interpreted positively – as a sexual invitation.
Read more Psychology Today
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . 386-866-1949
Center for Women and Men Annual Luncheon
As Co-Chair of the Advisory Board for Daytona State College Center for Women and Men it is my pleasure to have attended and spoke at our Annual Luncheon. You can read about the wonderful cause here.
____
Victoria Ehmen MA LMFT is a certified Sex Therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist in Volusia County for 22 years . (386) 253-2531
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)